There are days I question why I love running...Today was certainly one of those days. I decided to run on the treadmill since the weather was HOT and storms were moving into Cbus. I felt like I had a really good attitude going into this run...ATTITUDE is everything when you run long distance.
Then came mile 4...I cried because the movie I watched had a very strong statement in it. "You are never to old to change your life." It was like the universe wanted me to hear that statement....well I broke down. I cried for a good 3 minutes before I could pull myself together. Thank you Benjamin Button for making me an emotional wreck!! But Brad Pitt I love every single piece of your body :)
Mile 5..PAIN! I felt it and it was real pain. So I stopped....cried yet again because I said this is it. If I can't run 5 miles I certainly would not be ready for my marathon in a few weeks. CRUSHED I walked downstairs to jump on a bike. Luckily I have a great relationship with my trainer!! So I txted him in tears telling him I had to stop. He told me to pull off the tape and try it again!!! I sat on the bike for 20 minutes trying to decided if I was strong enough to continue. <----I hate negative talk!! So I sat there on the bike with tears saying.. I am ENOUGH, I am AMAZING, It is POSSIBLE and I will succeed. I continued to say that till I believed it!!!
Back on the treadmill I go.... TOUGH! I knew I had 7 long miles to go. I felt like every piece of my body was in pain. I felt pain in my toes, my back and mostly my heart. I was sad and upset at myself...I asked myself a million times "What the HELL are you doing? Running is stupid, this is stupid...why are you still running?" Seriously..I question myself why I liked running and why I continued to run when I am not 100% injury free yet.....But then Mile 8 came!!!
Mile 8... I finally was able to let go of all the negative talk in my head. I finally was able to get to the place that makes me love running the most! FREEDOM and QUIETNESS!!!! It was like all that stuff that had been build up in my mind finally stopped fighting with me. I ran but I didn't run with a single thing on my mind...I JUST RAN!
Mile 9... I finally started to look around outside (we have windows everywhere in my gym). I started to notice the leaves, the beautiful sky and then I saw three American Flags flying in the wind. This is when I cried again. It was like those three flags represent my three miles I had left. I needed to see them because it gave me the drive to push forward and RUN harder.
I ran because I am free!! Those flags were my freedom....my running allows me to really feel what it is like to be FREE from the negative world! Funny thing is when I finished my IPod played Garth Brooks "We Shall Be Free"
So that run SUCKED! I hated it but I finished with the biggest smile on my face. It feels great to beat the demons inside my head and listen to everything else around me that is so positive!!! Thanks to everyone that cheered me on!!!!!!!! Without that I probably would have stopped!!! You gave me the drive to move forward and run harder!!!
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